Warning: Graphic Language
Shortly before the COVID-19 lockdowns across the country, I was hospitalized due to a stress-induced seizure. I had trouble breathing and I kept vomiting on the way to the emergency room. My vision was dim and spinning. By the time I was admitted, I was inches away from death, and with a mix of science and miracle, the medical staff brought me back to consciousness. I was released the next morning and I remember enjoying a good old-fashioned cheeseburger, something that I'd not eaten in months due to watching my sugar intake. Being close to death changes a person permanently. It's forced me to amplify my need to adhere to deadlines and meeting times, to respect my time and other people's time. As a highly competitive person, I would hate to die without rectifying my failures and finishing my projects. The experience made me re-focus my life's priorities:
As a person diagnosed with ASD-1 (Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1 / Asperger's), I already knew - and accepted - that my lifespan was significantly going to be shorter than my contemporaries and I had to work twice as hard. The condition is both a gift and a curse. Autism has given me the ability to hyperfocus and learn skills quickly, but I am not so good with reading people - I can never figure out what they want. I can come across as militant, blunt, and terse - which has somewhat protected me from being manipulated and used, something that happens a lot with my fellow autistic people. I won't let the downsides of autism control what I can do. Instead, I'll use its strengths. I've got to stay the course and finish my work. There is much work to be done and I'm not through yet. |
Jacob VeritasAuthor of the urban fantasy series House of Sol Alpha. Archives
January 2021
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